What if you had to write a eulogy for someone that did you harm? Could you connect success in life because of your experiences? Who or what would you write about?
In my quest to find out more about the paternal side of my family (where my American Indian heritage originates), while striving not coming in contact with my biological father in the process, I discovered that my father died January 27, 2009.
I hadn’t connected with my father in 30 years due to the extensive abuse he inflicted on my entire family – in the form of alcohol, drug, physical, mental, and sexual abuse. I kept my distance for the first years to lick my wounds to create a more functional and happier me. The following years were to protect my children from the sickness that manifests being re-exposed to such dysfunctional patterns. As the Nobel Peace price winner, Albert Einstein once said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
When I heard of his crossing, I decided to write a healing Eulogy for my father (who always put on a face of “all is well” while creating chaos, the ultimate salesman spin). Here is what I wrote…
Thank you dad for the Christmases that were best celebrated late in the day because you were passed out drunk under the Christmas tree. It taught me to see more clearly through my children’s eyes during these important family holidays.
Thank you dad for being such a masterful liar. It taught me to coach my children to “tell” if ANYONE touched or directed them to take any action that they felt uncomfortable or confused with.
Thank you dad for having us run out of town on numerous occasions due to your “indiscretions.” It taught me to find the silver lining in any situation and that no matter how bad it got, we still had it better than many others.
Thank you dad for allowing us to live in poverty with numerous occasions having no utilities (water, electric, gas) because your money went to “other women,” drugs and alcohol – It taught me the value of a dollar, an education, family, being loyal in relationships, and the importance of clean and healthy living (inside and out).
Thank you dad for the experiences of the past as they have brought me to such a wonderful place today. I am stronger, wiser, and have so much gratitude for my life. Find peace. I have found mine.
Note to readers of this eulogy, in conjunction with or in lieu of Emotional Freedom Technique and/or Neuro-Linguistic Programming (red light/green light technique in my book HEALING WHAT’S REAL — http://www.michellepayton.com/Healing-Whats-Real.htm – for instance), consider journaling a healing eulogy. PTSD experiencers (which are also abuse experiencers), consider this tool even if the person and/or event is/are still living. How can you turn negative experiences into powerful learning tools?
Looking for a happier and productive life? Jump with both feet into your power. I did.
