9Jun10 What if someone “detests” the things you do?

When I moved, to get to know more people, I went to many mainstream and conscious living networking gatherings. Some gatherings can be tough at times because what I do can be controversial – Hypnotherapy, EFT, NLP, Astrology, Numerology and Birth Order – and I can take some negative hits every now and again.

When I get business cards, I usually go to websites and/or read any literature to get to know new people/professionals that I meet. Then I send an email about what I learned about them and where they can find more about me. One day, I got a return email that said key phrases like “detest the things you do,” “despise the techniques you specialize in,” and “believe them to be dangerous practices.” The communication ended with “you seem like a well-intentioned person… this is not personal…”

I read it a couple of times and realized I was having the same solar plexus reaction to the email that I had at this particular networking gathering. My ego was saying “Delete and ignore the email. Never go back. Run, hide and protect yourself in ‘your own’ community.” But my higher self was saying, “What can you learn from this as you continue to put yourself out into the world (and you will continue to put yourself out there with a 7th book coming out and your private practice growing)?”

I did some EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping (you can see my free video on EFT at http://www.michellepayton.com/Training-Videos.htm), and then I felt a sweeping sensation of gratitude as I recalled one of my personal and professional positions that when you understand others views, this creates more compassion as a general rule. You don’t have to like someone, but you can at least know and trust how others will react in connection with you and/or the world to keep yourself in a (emotional/physical) balanced place knowing it’s about others personalities and filters and not necessarily about you. But sometimes critique or opposite opinions create (lower chakra) “fight or flight” reactions, and you have to decide who you really are at the moment of impact.

So if this has happened to you, who do you become?  How have you reacted?  Did you feel good about your response?  Why?  Did you feel bad about your response?  Why?  How “honest” should you be with people you don’t agree with?  What types of words should you use to convey disagreement?

Visit my website if you dare at www.MichellePayton.com for more of my work. Speak to you soon.

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4May10 Nosey Neighbors can be Pillars to our Communities

I was walking in my neighborhood with one of my neighbors and she said, “I don’t want to be judgmental, but I’ve seen a couple of teenagers in trucks driving through the neighborhood and…” Another neighbor drove by when I was planting flowers and stopped to say, “Do you want me to call about (blah blah) in the neighborhood…?” Some people might say that this is rumor mill or negative gossip, but I say some judgment can protect our communities.

May 2010, a Nissan Pathfinder costing about $1300 was left on the street in New York Times Square. A street vendor thought it looked a little suspicious so he reported it. And thank goodness because it was filled with deadly explosives. The terrorist was caught before he left the country due to “observation.”

My nine year old got off the bus and complained about two little boys calling her names. This went on for a couple of weeks until we called the school to complain about bullying. (Did you know that verbal/mental abuse is 7 times more likely to create dysfunctional acting out of the victim than sexual abuse?) That’s a healthy tattle.

My teen boy says that there is a saying in school that “Snitches get Stitches.” But when a friend called me to pick up her son (she was across town) because another boy was threatening him with a knife, loose lips keeps ships afloat.

Sure, there’s a balance on what’s malicious gossip and community awareness. But folks, it’s time to get a few cuts and bruises to protect our families, communities and the world.

I have a lot to say about a lot of things and my opinions especially fly in my books “Adventures of a Mainstream Metaphysical Mom” and “SOUL-utions.” You can also hear my thoughts at www.MichellePayton.com on radio and video interviews, and get a free subscription to monthly recordings at www.MichellesMindfulMinute.com .

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5Apr10 Is there Parent Enlightenment?

I received an angry comment from one of my videos at http://www.michellepayton.com/video-clips.htm titled “Are Today’s Kids Gifted? How to Educate our Children.” In a nutshell, this person was very bitter when it came to children and felt they are all misguided.

As a mother of three dependent children at the moment while simultaneously seeking enlightenment – one in college, one in high school and one in elementary school – there are days when I wonder how loose are their connections? For my own sanity, I revisit the physiological fact that their young brains aren’t completely developed until they are 25 years old — you can listen and download the transcript (free) to “Tips on Mainstream Metaphysical Parenting of Psychic Children” by scrolling down to this interview on http://www.michellepayton.com/radio-clips.htm  . But when my high school aged child skips one-third of the required school days and doesn’t think about the consequences, I wonder what electrical impulses could possibly be going through his head?

Yes. I know kids’ (reasoning) frontal-lobe areas are the last to make connections, but how much can parents and mentors bear? Yes. I also know that my children are a part of my learning and enlightenment, so how do I grow while moving through 25 years times three kids? Stay tuned. My Book 2 of the “Adventures of a Mainstream Metaphysical Mom” series talks all about this and our responsibility as adults to send forth productive adults into the world.

In the meantime, think about how you’ve evolved as a spiritual being while encouraging the growth of developing minds (including your own).

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28Feb10 Are you a “Swayer” or “Liberal?”: “Swayer” may be better for your Health

I moved from a conservative area to a more liberal area to (in part) be among a larger population of “my people.”  Generally speaking, I’ve thought of a liberal as being more open-minded until recently. 

 

It seems that some liberal’s are most flexible if you meet certain criteria:

1.  You should live in the liberal approved areas of town

2.  You should partake in business establishments that are liberal and independents

3.  You should be of modest monetary means or find another way to prove your worthy of the liberal label if you are a “have.”

4.  Bonus points if you are an out of the box practitioner or professional, artist, author…

 

When I lived in my old conservative town, an independent entrepreneur opened a chic little coffee shop and it didn’t do very well.  When he closed within a year he said, “This town just isn’t ready for this (a relaxed gathering place).”  On his heels came a coffee house that serves musicians of all backgrounds (not just liberal).  Their mission (as stated on their website):

*To provide an enjoyable coffeehouse

*To provide a wholesome family atmosphere

*To provide an expression of community and local arts

 

They did many things differently to truly serve the community.  They have extended hours, have kid through adult musicians across all genres, sell local art, and serve coffee, tea, soft drinks, have great cookies and scones, and offer a small food menu.  As I write, after numerous years (and being considered more liberal), they still serve my former conservative community. 

 

Everyone is guilty of projecting, but my biggest disappointment is “my people” aren’t as open-minded about diversity and serving needs as they would like to think they are.  If they do their “liberal thing” and it fails, “people” aren’t ready or aren’t open enough.  Part of what I teach, study and my perception of the world hinges on “say it and it may likely be so (at least to you and that effects all that you do).”  And the more “my liberal people” inaccurately label 50+ million cultural creatives in the U.S. that sway back and forth between conservative and liberal concepts, the more they will disappoint themselves.  These swaying folks:

*Attend yoga classes but don’t feel the need to know or study Sanskrit

*Like vegetarian foods and enjoy a good meaty meal as well

*Do their best to use fabric bags at the grocery, but forget them sometimes

*Sweeten their tea with sugar instead of stevia or honey

 

So I’m adding “Swayer” as a personal description of myself at the moment.   When I did a little Emotional Freedom Technique tapping to soothe my disappointment, I had an ah ha moment:

*Swaying keeps my brainwaves active

*Keeping my brainwaves active creates new physiological connections

*New physiological connections keep my mind, body and soul young, at optimal health and excited about the many possibilities!

 

Where are you finding yourself swaying?  Is it because you don’t like to be labeled, don’t like being told what to do, are indecisive, like to hang out in the middle until you get enough information?  See http://www.michellepayton.com/Training-Videos.htm to tap out any disappointments with EFT.  Then ask yourself, what new connections am I making today?

 

Talk to you soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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13Feb10 The Calm after the Storm: Growth-Aide and the “What-Next” plans to thrive

In hypnosis there are techniques that we use as therapists that put our clients’ minds into a type of chaos so that the conscious mind basically shuts down and the subconscious is more easily accessed. An everyday life application is when, for instance, too many people are talking to us at one time, we become overwhelmed and then we can’t hear anyone. Or maybe too many stressful or out of the ordinary things are happening and the conscious mind can’t wrap around the multiple events and, poof, mentally and physically we simply stop. In some cases we may even we create self-induced amnesia.

So why is this important to know? For our mental (and ultimately physical) protection, the conscious mind shuts down and the subconscious jumps in to create a calming effect. With the current world chaos, a theory has emerged into my conscious mind. The economic chaos — housing, banking, business, and the weather chaos – earthquakes, tsunami’s, Western U.S. fires followed by mudslides, blizzards, hurricanes followed by flooding take a stressful toll on our mental and physical selves. We become confused and then we shut down and then what?

These events are getting all too common so how do we use this to our advantage, for healing, to catapult us forward? There’s a saying “When the world hands you lemons, you make lemon-aide.” In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) fashion, we must reframe the chaos for (what I’ll call) growth-aide. It’s not what we’re dealt, it is what we do with it after our experience. We have to come up with the “what-next” plans to, not just, survive but to thrive.

When I experienced a dysfunctional childhood and poverty, my conscious mind panicked at many points. Anxiety, Panic, Fear, Anger, Guilt, Remorse, Shame, and Embarrassment… piled up. The question was “How am I going to get out of this mess?!” If the subconscious mind is numbed artificially (with alcohol or drugs for instance) that is all put on hold, and you can become even more confused. But you can find the eye of the storm even while surrounded by chaos, while the door isn’t always crystal clear, you can sense a direction as the subconscious mind forms a plan.

For a quick self-induced (self hypnosis) calm, ask your subconscious mind for an answer to the standing issue and request that you have a message on how to move forward once you’ve completed the following simple session. Have a pencil and paper available as well for further processing. So close your eyes and count backwards from 100 (out loud if possible). Just focus on the numbers and keep counting… 100, 99, 98, 97… Eventually you won’t feel like counting and the numbers will begin to fade from your mind and you will just be quiet. When you feel like opening your eyes, restate your question and if an answer hasn’t formed then write down what’s “on your mind.” Remember that sometimes we can only handle pieces of answers (otherwise it puts us back into chaos), so be patient with the process. If you don’t have an answer directly after your self induction, go on with your day and hints will start to drop into your conscious mind and steps to resolve your issue(s) will emerge.

With hypnotherapy, NLP and EFT, there are many techniques for discovery. But on your own, practicing this with simple matters will also help you work your way up to more complex issues. I am available for mind over matter – Hypnotherapy, NLP, EFT… — training and individual sessions if you’d like to take this deeper. Go to www.MichellePayton.com for more information. Speak to you soon.

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9Dec09 The Death of a Salesman Eulogy: At Peace with the Learning that Came from an Abusive Childhood

What if you had to write a eulogy for someone that did you harm?  Could you connect success in life because of your experiences?  Who or what would you write about?

 

In my quest to find out more about the paternal side of my family (where my American Indian heritage originates), while striving not coming in contact with my biological father in the process, I discovered that my father died January 27, 2009.

 

I hadn’t connected with my father in 30 years due to the extensive abuse he inflicted on my entire family – in the form of alcohol, drug, physical, mental, and sexual abuse.  I kept my distance for the first years to lick my wounds to create a more functional and happier me.  The following years were to protect my children from the sickness that manifests being re-exposed to such dysfunctional patterns.  As the Nobel Peace price winner, Albert Einstein once said, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

 

When I heard of his crossing, I decided to write a healing Eulogy for my father (who always put on a face of “all is well” while creating chaos, the ultimate salesman spin).  Here is what I wrote…

 

Thank you dad for the Christmases that were best celebrated late in the day because you were passed out drunk under the Christmas tree.  It taught me to see more clearly through my children’s eyes during these important family holidays.

 

Thank you dad for being such a masterful liar.  It taught me to coach my children to “tell” if ANYONE touched or directed them to take any action that they felt uncomfortable or confused with.

 

Thank you dad for having us run out of town on numerous occasions due to your “indiscretions.”  It taught me to find the silver lining in any situation and that no matter how bad it got, we still had it better than many others. 

 

Thank you dad for allowing us to live in poverty with numerous occasions having no utilities (water, electric, gas) because your money went to “other women,” drugs and alcohol – It taught me the value of a dollar, an education, family, being loyal in relationships, and the importance of clean and healthy living (inside and out). 

 

Thank you dad for the experiences of the past as they have brought me to such a wonderful place today.  I am stronger, wiser, and have so much gratitude for my life.  Find peace.  I have found mine. 

 

Note to readers of this eulogy, in conjunction with or in lieu of Emotional Freedom Technique and/or Neuro-Linguistic Programming (red light/green light technique in my book HEALING WHAT’S REAL —  http://www.michellepayton.com/Healing-Whats-Real.htm – for instance), consider journaling a healing eulogy.  PTSD experiencers (which are also abuse experiencers), consider this tool even if the person and/or event is/are still living.  How can you turn negative experiences into powerful learning tools? 

 

Looking for a happier and productive life?  Jump with both feet into your power.  I did. 

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1Dec09 Real Branding = Empathy — Empathy = World Kindness

A world-renowned brand advertising professional teaches that the early 1900’s Nobel Peace Prize winner Petrovich Pavlov is the person responsible for creating the idea of branding. Why? Because of his famous (cause and effect) “Pavlov’s Dog” experiment — where he put meat on a dog’s tongue then rang a bell and did this repeatedly until the dog salivated when hearing the bell without the meat. If the dog was fed turnips and the bell rang, this is not effective branding because he doesn’t have a pleasurable association with eating turnips.

The first decade of my professional career, I was on the “Brand Management” path in packaged goods companies. Marketers take huge ownership in the idea of branding and can get quite smug when it comes to discussing strategy, and who’s right, and who’s wrong. A pivotal moment in my young brand marketing career, I was in a meeting with our advertising agency team, and my manager.  One of the account managers (who didn’t like me very much) talked about his clever brand strategies on feminine napkins in a large packaged goods company. Seniorly brand-worthy, he turned to me and said, “Michelle, I think you’re too young to remember this brand, but what we did…” Standing in his perceived cleverness (and believing he “put me in my place”), he lacked the basic element of empathy (among other things) as I interrupted his thought saying, “I think I have a bit of experience in the feminine napkin category.”

This is where marketers have made a huge mistake. They tie themselves up in so much strategic thinking that they have forgotten that the basic concept of connecting with others is simple EMPATHY. Branding is a concept of connecting with others at all levels.  And why would this very personal concept only “belong” to corporations and the perceived clever? 

Like Pavlov, the world is a better place when Empathy is applied. It’s when humanity enters the equation. It’s when we are clear that we are all connected. This is why I consider myself an Empatherapist because everything that I study — Hypnotherapy, Mind Works,  Accupressue/Hypnotherapy, Astrology, Numerology, Birth Order, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Emotional Freedom Technique, Handwriting…– and apply to my sessions, books, workshops is about helping people know, like and trust themselves and (at least) be able to predict (not necessarily agree, but see their points of view) how others respond in various situations.  Ultimately this type of learning is applied to all areas of life — Financial, Intellectual, Physical, Social, and Spiritual. (See http://www.michellepayton.com/  and http://www.michellepayton.com/Individual-Sessions.htm  for more information.) It all comes down to our daily emotional responses and human connection. Sure, advertisers and marketers dabble in the world of empathy. But how truly great is it when Empathy is a world movement, owned by all and kindness becomes the norm.

Speak to you soon.

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9Nov09 A Scientific Formula for Happiness?

I was watching a morning show in my area called Dr. Oz (November 9, 2009) and he shared a research graph that showed “happiness” being scientifically researched and divided into three parts:

 

50% was Genetics (includes childhood/adulthood experiences and body/brain chemistry)

 

10% was Geographic Location/Situation

 

40% was Intention

 

When the expert was asked about job satisfaction and economic circumstances, she said that as long as the overall needs were met (food, shelter, clothing) then more money, bigger homes, more expensive clothes didn’t increase happiness significantly. 

 

I’m happier because of where I live (geography) and where I live are supposed to be where happier people live so what comes first?  Ok, I’ll just say I get the full 10% credit on that one.  I moved with very specific intentions to be happy personally and professionally.  So I’ll slide into that 40%, making me 50% happy.  My childhood experiences were living in poverty, with an alcoholic/drug and sexual abuser, but somehow I could find a silver lining to maintain my sanity (not feeling completely safe, keeping a cautious but relatively happy brain/body chemistry).  Making it to adulthood, I have sound food, shelter, and clothing, I feel safe, loved, and grateful.  So if we work on a 10 point scale, does that give me a passing grade for happiness?  

 

Would a scientific quotient for happiness help you?  For the more measurable, it’s worth a look (google Dr. Oz).  Consider this formula as well.  Know yourself and what your hot buttons are with finances, intellectual stimulation, physical activity, social interaction, spiritual activity.  Who helps you effectively push those buttons (keep them close)?  Among other things, I use Astrology, Numerology and Birth Order as a tool to get to know yourself and others.  It’s very easy to understand.  Here is a page that gives you top-line info on how to do this at http://www.michellepayton.com/BMP-calculations.htm .  Yes, we have some blocks.  I’ve got some answers there too, but that’s another blog. 

 

Speak to you soon.

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27Oct09 How We Process Physical Loss & Evolve

Over the past year I have metaphysically pondered how my closer “work”-related friends are doing now that they have crossed over. I say “work” related as a conscious living professional (worked together on events, projects, or a part of my companies/non-profit ventures…) and spiritual sense (my pathwork).

Bill Mitchell was an icon in the psychic world, and will have passed away (as I write) almost a year ago. Willie Jones was owner of Magical Journey Bookstore in Nashville and leader in his spiritual community. And now Ted Andrews, who brought “Animal” and “Nature” Speak to the forefront of our consciousness, has moved on. All three were teachers and trusted advisors/experts in their circles.

As powerful as these three individuals were in the physical realm, I can’t imagine the impact they now have as pure energy. The amount of celebrating immediately upon their stepping out of their physical bodies must have been (in mainstream terms) off the hook. And the enlightenment, freedom from all the physical “stuff,” finally remembering and having a clearer connection to Universal knowledge amazing.

While this bliss is occurring for our loved ones/friends/associates… that have moved on, how do we feel? “We,” the souls strapped to bodies that still crave physical connection. Why does the world keep turning? Why do people continue to carry on? How do we process and still feel happy for their evolvement? How are we evolving as a result? Are we evolving as souls “being” in the physical?

If you’d like, please consider this blog a forum to share how you feel, not only on the evolvement of our three mentioned friends, but anyone you’re missing in the physical.

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20Oct09 Being Abusive when being Too Bright-Sided

In a networking chat group that I am associated with, a professional said (in summary), “If you’re negative your business (and life overall) will fail.” This overly used mind/body type remark has become increasingly unproductive over the years and now people are keeping “Their Own Secret” that they don’t always buy into having sunshine blown up their rears.

While I would say that I generally look for the silver lining in a situation (and I have annoyed people by giving compliments or being too positive myself), it is combined with being a realist that helped me make my way out of an abusive and poverty stricken childhood. It’s certainly a balance, because people are equally annoying that constantly say the sky is falling. But the difference is the folks that are always blowing sunshine can be using this “philosophy” as a manipulative tool to shut folks down resulting in others feeling “less than.” Recognize and own it if you do this from time to time. I know I’ve done it. But know that more and more people view this as lacking empathy in a time when more empathy is needed, and being unkind when more kindness is needed.

Think about it. When the economy began tanking we were constantly getting reports of business being up. Did this make it so? Many of us were afraid that if we dwelled on loss then we would experience loss as well, but ignoring this meant we weren’t coming up with a plan to deal with a real problem. When the stock market and banks crashed, “Chicken Littles” were shushed until it was too late. When the real estate market dropped… you get the picture. And doesn’t this pattern emulate (a type of) abuse? For instance, in abusive families the first thing the abuser does is isolate his victim so that she can’t share destructive experiences. The strategy — make everything look rosy on the outside while inflicting harm behind the scenes.

The fact is it’s unhealthy and sometimes even deadly to bury your experiences, feelings and words. And when I walked down the “whole”istic healing, mind over matter professional path, I was initially frustrated that (with hypnotherapy for instance) my clients had to travel through many painful situations. But when I found EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) as a tool, I could apply pressure to certain dense nerve endings immediately to (at least) allow my clients to voice, acknowledge, admit to, own and experience negativity then release the emotional attachment. What this means is they admit/own/verbalize something is terrible and then they move on to healing. And guess what, everything wonderful happens!

Consider this. If you’re committed to helping others, have empathy. Let people tell their truths instead of creating “Their Own Secrets.” I have a training video for Emotional Freedom Technique you can view at no cost at http://www.michellepayton.com/training-videos.htm and you can see my book “Healing What’s Real” at my website (with a chapter on EFT) at www.MichellePayton.com

Speak to you soon.

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